I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
