i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize