I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
