just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
