We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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