You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
