he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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