Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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