I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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