I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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