i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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