watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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