Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
