did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
