So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
