He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
