I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
