Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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