i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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