How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
