this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
