So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
