There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
