Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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