Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
