apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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