i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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