im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
