he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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