covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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