In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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