Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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