dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone came in the potted fern
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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