help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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