just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
