mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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