can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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