i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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