too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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