If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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