My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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