He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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