for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
