Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
