I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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