Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
