he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think my vagina is haunted
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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