That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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