She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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