i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
