I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
