thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
