You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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