I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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