I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
