Don't make out with my wife yet
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
