Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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