Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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