Kiss
Puke
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
