So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
