Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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