i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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