We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
