I want to walk on stilts...naked
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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