Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
