this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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