the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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