He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize