i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
