based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
