It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
